A Few Thoughts (or No-No's.)

Tonight I found myself sitting on a bench, completely alone (let's pretend there weren't random strangers milling about) and I had some amazingly profound thoughts.  Thoughts that were so important I had to record them somewhere.  Twitter is only 140 characters.  I despise facebook (see how I refuse to capitalize it - it's like a grammatical insult!)  So blogger wins this round.

Back to those thoughts:

Never, Never, NEVER give a limp-handed shake.  Politely refusing to shake hands at all is more respectable than the limp noodle. 

Never swear in public.  I personally think you shouldn't swear in private either, but at least don't do it in public.  Other things you shouldn't do in public: pick your nose, mess with your wedgie, snort back your excess drainage/mucous (you know what I'm talking about - everybody does it,) or breastfeed (oh, I bet I just ruffled some feathers with that one, didn't I? Mwahahahaha.)

Never, ever, ever give generalized, judgemental advice like: don't breastfeed in public.

Don't slouch.  It's unflattering.

And please, please don't call someone at the very end of the day with bad news.  Unless it's really a life or death situation.  I mean that (*cough*Catherine*cough*)

Always spellchek. I mean thatt.

and.....

I love chocolate.

Profound stuff happening here.  I call it "mom-of-three-children-primary-president-wife-mower-of-the-lawn-blogger-aging-woman" brain. 

p.s. you might need a mop to clean up this dripping-with-sarcasm mess.