Neti-Pot Humor.

Dear Charles,

Thank you for not getting me a neti-pot for Christmas. I have decided that they are devices of torture. In fact, I think they should rename them "Naughti-Pots." Did Mom ever threaten you with "rinsing your mouth out with soap?" Well, she threatened me with it and on at least one occasion (here's hoping I wasn't so stupid I let it happen more than the one time), she went through with it (don't worry, I definitely deserved it.) However harrowing that "soap" experience might have been, it was nothing to the "Neti-Pot" experiment I inflicted upon myself this afternoon. As I was cleaning myself up from the disaster, I couldn't help thinking that parents ought to start threatening their children with the "naughti-pot" rather than the soap, for two very good reasons. First and foremost, you can justify doing this to your children because it does have actual medicinal purpose, in that it cleanses the sinuses. Second, no child will ever forget the experience; upon reflection, it seems easier to spit something out of one's mouth (you can take certain measures to hide or get rid of the taste in your mouth, but I can't really recommend sticking anything else up your nose), rather than inhale saline solution through one's nose (which invariably also ends up in your mouth and you still have to spit it out, as well as avoid tasting the disgusting drip that is dripping - at an alarming rate - out of your nose.) Henceforth, I will now threaten my children with "Do you want me to rinse out your nose with the Naughti-Pot?" whenever their behavior becomes unmanageable. I think it might just work! So while it might have been a thoughtful gift, you should probably reserve it for baby shower gifts (please include a new set of instructions as a "naughti-pot.") Otherwise, I fear your giftee might think you actually have negative intentions toward them. At this point, I am ranking the "neti-pot" as number three on the worst-gift list, third only to rectal thermometers (you know who you are) and enema equipment. I hope for the sake of your lovely fiancee, that you will kindly take the advice from this letter and not give your future wife a "neti-pot" for her birthday, and certainly not for Valentine's Day, anniversaries or any other "romantic" occasion. Hope all is well with you in sunny Seattle.

With warmest regards, your loving sister,

Erin

p.s. Now that I have had a chance to recover from the trauma of pouring fluid down my own nose, I am thinking that it really wasn't all that bad. In fact, I am pondering doing it again. How soon is too soon?

p.p.s. Although watching this helpful video was like watching aliens in a horror film, this is not at all how it played out in my bathroom at home!