Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood

And by juice I mean candy.  And by Hood I mean the kitchen.  I'm not going to name names, and I am fully aware that you shouldn't cry over spilt milk, but guess what? My son managed to knock my brand-spanking-new-uber-expensive-100%-pure-vanilla extract out of the kitchen cabinet.  Apparently the Achilles Heel of this brand-spanking-new-uber-expensive-100%-pure-vanilla extract was in the lid.  Right where the lid crashed into the ceramic stove top.  Before the bottle bled out on my kitchen floor, it spewed forth it's brand-spanking-new-uber-expensive, but truly delightful smelling goodness all over our cornea-blinding white ceiling, stools, table, and other crevices I have yet to find. 

Now I know you are thinking this is when I lovingly told my crying child that there is no point in crying over spilt milk, and I hugged him and let him know how much I (still) love him, right?  In my head, that all happened - in the five seconds it took me to take in the blood bath.

Cue reality tv filming crew:

Stomp, NO! Stomp, NO! Stomp, NO! Stomp, No!  Yes, just like a small child, I repeatedly stomped my foot (the same one) and shook my head as I muttered no, also on repeat. 

I excused my son from the kitchen. 

I could just hear the vanilla extract squealing with glee at its' new found freedom........to stain my stuff.  I wiped off the stools first.  They were the most expensive.  The ceiling came next.  Guess what?  My ceiling and those 25 or so drops of vanilla extract have gotten married.  And had babies.  The floor got it next.  I'm still finding yummy drops of goodness.  It's like a game of hide and seek.  I just hope the linoleum holds up long enough for me to find them.

Brand-spanking-new-uber-expensive-100%-pure-vanilla extract: $20

Ceiling Paint: $10

Seeing their mother throw a temper tantrum: Priceless

And this is why I've applied for the next greatest Reality TV show.  So that all these fallacies can be permanently documented. 

(Just kidding.  I didn't really apply.) 

And this is why you shouldn't be a menace to south central while drinking your juice in my hood.