Have you met our Desolate Toilet

This morning I woke up a bit feverish - clogged milk duct, I know, tmi - and was laying in bed thinking about Brent vacuuming the play room (which he did last night) and wondering if he took out the hose and ran it along the baseboards, etc. Then my thoughts wandered to that lowly Desolate Bathroom down there - it needs to be cleaned. I have been absolutely lazy about it, I admit. We never use it - it seems to be the permanent residence of a number of spiders these days. I thought of the many times we put up signs that the bathroom was closed and out of order.....and how various come-and-goers would use it anyway. Like the time that one of our other toilets broke, so Brent took a spare part out of that poor, Desolate Toilet. Morgan, thinking that "do not use" and "this toilet doesn't work" didn't apply to him - used it anyway. Imagine his surprise when pressing the lever did absolutely nothing at all, hahahaha! Anyway, the reason I mention all this is because of that spare part Brent used.

One night, probably around 11:00pm, Brent and I were in bed, watching a movie, when we started to hear, well, Niagara Falls. Within seconds (ok, so maybe it was a full minute, as we sat there stupidly trying to figure out if the rushing water was part of the movie) we were up and rushing into the bathroom. The toilet was pouring gallons of water all over the bathroom floor - it was already a good two inches deep. So I waded through the water (I tried running, but have you ever tried running in water - it's more like slow motion - and of course the fact that you can't get much momentum going within three feet) and turned the water valve shut-off thingy off. Then I had Brent get all the towels from the laundry room. We seriously used every single towel we owned. Which, by the way, I have to point out is about 20 towels. Now you might be asking yourself what on Earth do I have 20 towels for (if you aren't asking, you're going to get the explanation anyway.) Growing up, there are several things I remember very, very, very clearly. A person could never find pens, pencils, scissors, laundry baskets, hangers and towels. The first three may have had to do with the constant small children/baby thing, but the last three might have had more to do with the fact that, at one point, 10 children and two parents were living in the house. So, now that I am all grown up and money does in fact grow on trees - there are 6 things you will always be able to find in my house: pens, pencils (though they might not be sharpened) scissors (don't you dare touch my sewing scissors,) laundry baskets, hangers and towels. Definitely towels. Anyway, back to my story. A few gallons (well, maybe more than that) continued to flow down the heating vent, down through the ducts and spilled out somewhere in the middle of our garage. Apparently, there is a little plastic piece that attaches to that balloon thingy in the toilet. I guess we had flushed the toilet so many times, it had cracked and the balloon thingy dropped off and the toilet just started filling up and wasn't ever going to stop. That little plastic piece is what Brent borrowed from the Desolate Toilet, which actually didn't end up fitting on the upstairs one, so he had to go buy a new one anyway, but never put the "borrowed" piece back onto that poor Desolate Toilet. So if I had any advice for new homeowners, it would be this:

Always clean every bathroom in your home in case of usage (especially by an outsider.)

Always turn off your water when you vacation, go to bed at night and anytime you watch a movie with lots of rushing water in it (can you imagine what would've happened if Brent and I had been watching a documentery on waterfalls, rather than "While You Were Sleeping?")

If you want to know how efficient your air ducts are at keeping the ultra-valuable air from escaping in places it shouldn't, just dump several gallons of water down each vent. Thoroughly inspect all ceilings for water damage, and wah-la! You have found your leaks.

And if you happen to not take Nos. 1, 2, & 3 into consideration, always, always, take advisement number 4: Make sure you have good homeowner's insurance that covers water damage. Seriously. I am not lying. I am not a paid salesman for homeowners insurance.



p.s. This is a joke. Please do not ever follow advisement number 3. Seriously.

p.p.s. It was clean toilet water (as clean as water from a toilet can be) - not like the water when your toilet gets clogged. Just in case you wanted to know.